Back to Blog

From Parenthood

Thiago Alves

I know this is the most cliche phrase I could start this text but I can't avoid it:

Becoming a parent changes your life!

If you're nodding your head in agreement, you might want to keep reading before getting to any conclusion.

First of all, how do you decide to become a parent?

Some people don't have a choice (for any reason here, let's not deviate from the subject), and for them, it's like playing a new game on the hardest level possible (or playing the original Battletoads, but you get it). There is no preparation, all their life's plans are dynamically changing from one second to the other, and from now on, wanting or not, their responsibility increase on a different magnitude.

But for the others, like me, this is a choice. And here I get back to the original question:

How do you decide to become a parent?

Different from everything else, deciding to become a parent is not merely wanting to have children. There is, or at least it should have, lots of thinking on the commitment you're going to assume.

Once your child is with you, you're responsible for her life. You are the one that needs to make sure this new being will have food, health, education and preparation for assuming her life after a while. Many times this means sacrificing some of the things you use to take for granted, like that concert from that band you love or that new gadget you always upgrade.

All in all, what I'm trying to say is, taking care of a child is not an easy task, and deciding to do so, is something no one should take lightly.

Deciding to not have children

It should go without saying but just to let it clear, deciding to not have kids is not a bad thing! This statement is valid regardless of your gender.

It's very common to hear people saying a woman will only be complete after giving birth.

I'm not a woman to say a thing about it, but I believe this is nonsense!

A person can be defined by anything she wants. Her career, her lifestyle, etc. So, not having a child will not make anyone incomplete.

Sometimes, you want things in your life that are incompatible with a child, and if you thought about it and figure this out before having kids, fantastic!

Deciding to have children

And here is where I can talk with some personal experience.

As I said before, taking care of a child is not easy and, although it might surprise you, deciding to have a child, in most cases, should be a decision of two people.

If you're not a solo parent, the first problem is to agree with someone to co-parent this future child. This other person will have the power to shape your kid's mind and body. Yeah, it involves lots of trusts.

It was not before 3 or 4 years ago that my wife and I got to an agreement about having kids. We were both very comfortable if we decide not to have any, but our lives got to a point where we believed to be ready for expanding our family.

From that point on we prepare ourselves for it. We travel, moved, got stuff, because we knew at the moment our baby was born, our lives would transform and most of the things we took for granted wouldn't be possible anymore.

This mid-November our daughter was born, and I can guarantee that all I expected to happen. As I'm writing this text, I'm already thinking on how can I direct my life to be able to provide the best environment for my child. I'm planning for her future, her college and, if she desires, for her wedding. Yes, it's crazy, but I can't avoid doing it, and the best part of all is I was right in do lots of thinking, talking and planning before deciding to have a child.

Share Your Thoughts

Leave a Reply